Pride is a hard thing. I know it rises up in me from time to time, and I hate it, but there it is, regardless. I pray God will take it from me.
But I think about it sometimes. Why, why is it there? For me, I think it stems from a desire to be understood as being genuine and wanting to find the truth. So when I'm surrounded by deception and it's obvious to me something's wrong, I'm reluctant to go along with it. The problem with deception is, that it's often mixed with partial truths, so when you reject it, you're seen as rejecting the portion that's true as well.
This is the situation in the majority of the institutional churches that have departed from the truth, and preach a false gospel. So if you reject that, you're often seen as rejecting Christianity.
It's hard to communicate this to other people. We can try to tell our stories, but we all see things from the lens of our own experiences, and it's hard to see to the core of another person. But I believe God knows us in this way, even if nobody else does. And despite all of the misunderstanding, I think others also have a genuineness about them. That's not something we may ever see, but it helps me to give them the benefit of the doubt, of seeing them that way; how I wish I could be seen.
And so, to accept the truth sometimes comes with the baggage of being associated with the lies, in the eyes of others. And there's the pride. We don't want to be associated with the lies, only the truth. But if that's the price, it's worth it. To be misunderstood and thought foolish, or worse. Just remember, God sees you, and He knows you.
And then there's all of the culture associated with Christianity. As a whole it largely looks the same for appearances sake, whether a false gospel is preached or not. And if you've had a bad church experience in the past, the culture, much of which is benign by itself, just brings back bad memories. I'm not even sure how to label that. I just want to go sit in a corner, by myself. Perhaps I'll find a few other misfits there to keep me company. Maybe we'll find a new song to sing.
There's no amount of pride that's worth keeping you from Christ, though. So if I'm misunderstood and seen by others as foolish, or whatever, I'll count it all as worth it. Even if nobody else understands you, and what you've been through, take comfort in the knowledge that God knows you. I'd urge you, don't let pride keep you from Jesus. At the end of the day, and the end of your life, it doesn't matter so much what everybody else thought of you. But what is important is that Jesus knows you. Because you've believed, you've believed in Jesus, you've believed the gospel. And if you've believed, you can be assured that He knows you.